I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
