Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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