My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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