i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
