I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize