I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
