everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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