It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
