Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
