don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
