ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
