Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fill condoms, not promises.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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