He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
