Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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