I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
