So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
