So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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