I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
