Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
