like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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