Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
