Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
