he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
