As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
