It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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