and you said cock pushups were impossible
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am naked and annoyed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
