nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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