PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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