I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
