I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
