you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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