my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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