i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
