He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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