apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
