there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
