I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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