Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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