i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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