I can tuck mytits in my pants
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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