I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
