would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
