I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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