I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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