I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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