my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the day after is always just damage control
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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