Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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