I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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