just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
