is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
