I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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