i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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