I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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