Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
