Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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