Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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