Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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