last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
