Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
