Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
