2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
