is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
