From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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