you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
