I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
