The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
