Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
