i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
