paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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